Thanksgiving Pain

I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to volunteer at the LGBT center today.

Upon getting invited to dinner a few weeks ago for Thanksgiving, I get an email notification from the LGBT Center about joining their dinner.  They were being responsible for the main course, but encouraged donations of side dishes, desserts or just helping hands.

I sat back and over thought (as I do with almost everything) the entire invitation.  I began to think, how hurtful it must be to feel blatantly ostracized or uninvited on a day that even your most liberal and fun-loving friends have a house or home to go to.  You are limited as to where you go, when almost every restaurant, cafe and club is closed.  What do you do?

So for me, dinner at the center meant so much more than just having a place to enjoy a meal.  It surpassed that.  It became a home for the uninvited, a refuge for the secluded, a place for the ostracized and protection for the vulnerable.  It had very little to do with the food for me.  So little had to do with the food, that I paid more attention to the conversations around me than I did with what was on my plate.

Every person at the center was asked to stand up, say their name and mention one thing that no one there would know about them just from the way they looked.  The stories astounded me: a Vietnam War Veteran discharged for being a Lesbian, the first Gay man in the state to go through adoption, an up and coming entrepreneur, and the list went on and on and on.  I kept listening and smiling, devouring these stories as my thanksgiving dinner.

I do not live in a utopia and don't think there will be such a thing after my lifetime.  But we can only hope and dream that we can strive to be the closest to it in the here and now.  As celebratory as today was, I felt the pain or as we say in Arabic, "El Ghasa."  The knotted pain you feel in the heart of your stomach.

Even though today was in some ways as bitter as the cold outside, it was also just as sweet as the sweet potato pie.  And I hope that the same people who attended today will experience nothing but sweetness this holiday and everyday.

Rules and punishment.

The hospitality industry.  A place that was not my place for me today.

A guy comes over to me and says, "Can I get that booth?" referring to the one in the lounge area that has a sign which says, "Please see front desk for seating."

In the kindest way, I tell him, "No problem.  Let me go see if it's clean first."  He says, "Ok."  I go over to the booth and notice that it was still dirty.  I go back to him and say, "Sir, it needs to be cleaned off.  I'll clean it off for you, just give me a few minutes."  He says, "Ok, sure."  The lack of gratitude did not infuriate me as much as what would come minutes later.

I begin removing the cocktail glasses from the booth and take the first load to the service bar.  Then I come back to the same man and a woman sliding right into the booth.  I immediately say, "Oh sir, please wait a second.  It's still dirty,"  which by the way, still had glasses on it.  In the biggest douche-iest tone, the man says, "That's okay, we won't touch the table."  I said, "Ok."  He says, "Just clean it like that."  I say, "Mm, okay."  Over my dead body, I thought.

Luckily, the cocktail server (a few feet away from me), spills water all over the ground.  I chose to offer all of my undivided attention and energy to help the cocktail server instead.  I go get the mop, bucket, etc. and begin to clean away.  Less than two minutes later I hear a voice say, "Hey."  I never look up, knowing that I recognize that same douche-bag voice from earlier.  Then I hear, "Hey, hello."  I don't answer.  Then I look up when I felt like it and looked him in the face.  He says with vigor and anger, "Did I happen to confuse you?"  I replied with twice the vigor, "Sir, I'm not here to be disrespected.  I kindly asked you to give me a few minutes.  Instead, you slid right into a dirty table and you're asking me to clean it?  I don't have time for you."  And that was it.  I was done.  I then look at the voiceless woman next to him, and not one word came out of her mouth.  Motionless and emotionless.  Of course; probably at the mercy of someone who is paying for her meal.

I get no back up and choose to get on my merry way and talk to a manager ASAP.  I gave the full story and within minutes, the same man asks to speak to a manager.  I was told that he said, "He (referring to me) must be having a bad day."  When in reality it was finer than wine, until he came in.  Neither here nor there, the manager gets them all a free round of drinks.   I felt defeated and never let it go for the rest of the night.  Hell, it's 12:41 am and not until now am I writing about it.

What did I expect?  I honestly don't know.  What did I expect out of this situation?  Did I want him to magically leave or did I want my manager NOT to apologize to him for the experience he had?  What experience?  The "I'm sorry you had to be nasty and have an affinity towards a crumby and trashy table and not wait for it to be cleaned in an orderly manner and still ask for it to be cleaned after you sat in it experience?"  I wasn't winning and don't think I ever will with these kind of people.  A behavior that makes you believe in rules and punishment.  A people that make you believe they were indeed intended to be pinned down and in many ways controlled.  Even with rules and punishment, will it ever be enough to control the out of control?  If the answer is "Yes," then the tame behavior is fabricated.  If the answer is "No," then the behavior is animalistic, thus making very little to no room for you in mainstream society.  Aha.  And I guess the same goes for power hungry politicians, unethical business people and so on and so forth.  Animals were forever believed to be irrational, while humans were supposed to be the rational ones; the logical ones.  The ones who knew the difference between right and wrong.  Contrary to that believe, I think humans are in need of circus training, while wild animals should be taken out of their habitat and welcomed into the human society.  If not to coexist, maybe to teach that there is a balance and a cycle to life.  Humans have lost that very cycle and balance.  No order, no shame.  And we are where we are.


#restaurant #hospitality #industry #servers #server #host #hostess #animals #animalistic #control #controlled #rules #punishment #service #apology #free

The siege in Gaza: before Hamas came into existence.

The siege in Gaza started in 1991, way before Hamas came to existence. http://972mag.com/the-blockade-on-gaza-began-long.../17491/. 

It was the slow creeping into Gaza and continued restrictions on its people that made its people go mad. Any logical, educated or sophisticated person would not support a terrorist group, but you breed terrorists wherever you go. It's no different than families in the United States who seek revenge after an unjust verdict. They are technically taking matters or "the law" into their own hands. I don't agree, but I understand. There's a difference. So as long as there is denial, lack of accountability from both sides and the Nationalistic support even when your government is in the "wrong," then there will NEVER be a cloud of peace setting in the region. And so it is difficult and a challenge when the people of Israel, Saudi Arabia or any other country to speak up when you are given scholarships, many of them free housing, monthly stipends and the right of return. It's basically a nice way of saying, "Here, take all this. Just shut up." Once again, until you can call out your own people and side with what is good on the humanistic and moral level, then there will never be peace. If you can no longer decipher what is good and bad, then that is unfortunate.

#hamas #gaza #israel 

In response: "If you're anti-Israel, then you're anti-America."

In response to "If you're anti-Israel, then you're anti-America."  

Just like if you're "pro-choice," then you are a murderer? Just because you are against a country's government, does not mean you hate the people. Just because you are from a certain place, does not mean you support it in right AND wrong. Watching over and doing nothing is just as bad as the person doing the wrongdoing. The majority of the people who share this slogan you have posted above do it out of fear to keep their presence in the media. The Jewish community in the United States are strong and have proven to have long-standing history in the media. However, some stand up for what is right, when they know something is wrong. As for being the only democracy there, that is rubbish talk. When a government hands you money and a house, in place of someone else's forced eviction, of course you will support your country. But that is not a democracy my friend. That is called a "gagging government." Just like Saudi Arabia. You feed, supply and spoil your people, with the exchange of NOT having a real say in the political turmoil in the region. In layman's terms, "I'll feed you and house you, but shut up." And that is the majority of the world, including Israel.


#government #disservice #injustice #lookingforjustice #doublestandard #gaza #palestine #israel #humanity.

Backwards into the future

There is an ancient tale: "There was a man who would sit in the park and read the same newspaper everyday. Everyone noticed, but no one said a word. One day, someone approached the man and asked, 'Sir, why are you reading the newspaper of the wrong day.' He replied, 'Nothing has changed, but the times.'" 

Now, here I am watching a documentary where producers ask Arab and Jewish kids, "Do you like so and so?" They answer, "No." The producer in turn asks, "Have you met one?" Their response is once again, "No."

You be the judge of that.

#palestine #israel #learn #move #forward #justice #mercy #think #peace.

The Unnecessary War: The Media's Role.

It is admirable to protest, but I wish the media can stop tagging these videos as "Israel vs Palestine," because it's not.  We do not want to make this people vs people, country vs country nor neighbor vs neighbor.  It is crooked governments and spiteful hate that I am more worried about.  Call it "The Unfortunate Conflict" or "The Unnecessary War."  The media (even though owned by corporations and drenched with politics) should subside the tension and anger.  And the masses (the people) need NOT be controlled by products and things.  No one thinks.  You revolt by being a thinker.  You cut off your support from products, goods and viewership of media outlets that have no humanistic regard or real value or interest in you.  You (the people) should not be an ornament of business and politics.

#media #revolution #thinker #palestine #israel #humanaffairs #humanity #unitednations #change.

Collateral Damage: Justifying the unjustifiable.

Just because a government says, "We deeply regret the bombing" or "We suspected so and so group to be inside," it is still deliberate. It's deliberate because Intelligence is mighty fine enough to know the difference and pin-point the EXACT coordinates of the person they want to target. Presidents have been killed, with NO ONE near them being touched. It was not right, but look how strategic the act was. Small genocide, big genocide or accidental genocide. A genocide is a genocide. The hate and terror needs to stop. Both sides open your hearts, open the borders, be fair, be just, better circumstances and conditions can turn thugs into real people. It's just like a family who never receives justice from the government, so they personally go after the person who hurt their loved one. It is still terror. I do NOT support it, but that is how terror starts. Stop the oppression, stop teaching hate, do NOT impose things forcefully on people and maybe, JUST MAYBE, the future will hold something better.


‪#‎palestine‬ ‪#‎gaza‬ ‪#‎israel‬ ‪#‎unitednations‬ ‪#‎warcrimes #justice 

Palestinian-Israeli Conflict: The problem, The solutions condensed.

As I have stated before about the situation, "If you are smart enough to create weapons capable of destroying the human body, then you are smart enough to find a better solution."  Secondly, when you have terrorists or militia in hiding near civilians, there MUST be an alternative to an attack, ESPECIALLY if you are near a church, hospital, shelter, etc. This has become a situation where there is no real refuge, regardless of how many sirens and warnings people are given.  Thirdly, the Arabs are not working hard enough together, and the Palestinian government is unjust.  So what happens?  You indirectly create terror in your own country.  For instance, if you know of a family who was hurt by someone and was NEVER reprimanded, some seek justice on their own.  This is the same thing.  It is NOT right, but I understand.  I do NOT support it, but I understand.  The situation is messy: the governments (Palestinian and Israeli) are no good, the "Right of Return" for the Jews has become a matter of kicking a Palestinian out of their home after one command, an Independent Palestinian government and airport is being denied by Israel, and so on and so forth.  It is a mess, from the neighboring countries all the way to the civilians being massacred.   So what is the solution?  There are a few: 1) Share the land and be fair about it.  2) Be the bigger person.  Be the smarter person (based on morale that is).  3) Keep human rights in mind and religion/right of return to the side for a minute.  4) Any superpower (especially the United States) needs to keep its nose out of everyone's business.  The moment you make someone stronger than you, the more likely they will attack you or seek vengeance for unjust policies, thus, turning you into minor-power (not a superpower).  There are more solutions, but the main ones were mentioned.  It is easier said than done.  However, if you think it is "easier said than done" when it involves a humanistic approach, then you are sick.  Sick to the point where you have to ponder and question a solution that involves humanity.  There should be no question.  Thus, this makes the strongest solution called "Humanity," better known as "brotherly love," "fraternity," "kindness," "sympathy" and "mercy."   If you have never used those words in a treaty, a truce or a solution, then I pray to a God that you do.

Palestine and Israel

Currently, what's going on between Palestinians and Israelis is utter disaster. Is this about land and religion? If that's the case, then EVERYONE owes EVERYONE: The US owes the Native Americans, the Turks owe the Armenians, The Germans owe the Jews, the Jews owe Palestinians, and so on and so forth. So stop. It's NOT my land, it's not yours either. The same clay that you were made from and walk on, is the EXACT same clay that will cover my body and yours one day. Finally, as Katharine Hepburn once said, "If I do good, I should feel good. If I do bad, then I should feel bad. If I cannot tell the difference, then I am sick. That is my religion."

#palestine #israel #gaza #hope #peace #stop #truce #change 

No more moping around.

I walk over two guests, one of them in a wheelchair.   They were both adamant about sitting at the bar and I was more than happy to seat them there.  I asked the young lady in the wheelchair if she wanted me to help her get on a bar stool.  She said, "Yes, please."

As I looked at them from the host stand every now and then, their fun was undoubtedly genuine.  But my soft spot for the young lady only grew when she turned to the bartender and said, "I love this.  This is all I wanted." 

For years, I have ALWAYS had an appreciation for people who have to physically make an effort to go out.  Mainly because they make the most out of their stay.  But today was different.  When I heard the lady mention how happy she was, my appreciation for her grew.  Unfortunately, my disappointment for the people who mope around and complain incessantly about things they have control over also grew.  The people who can get up and effortlessly do things for themselves, are usually the ones first to complain.  And those who have to make the effort, are the ones who make life seem effortless and not worthy of a complaint.  

Isn't life interesting.

The Cheaters

My heart is so heavy today.

My week was already on a rough start and basically doing a mighty fine job of keeping it that way.  To the point where I barely slept for days at a time, tossing and turning, and waking up with chest pains.

Then I come into work and my heart was relieved.  Relieved at the expense of someone else's hardship and pain.  I wasn't sure whether I should feel happy that I was finally relaxed for the first time in over a week, or should I mourn for the person who took away my pain.  The same person who just proved to me that if I had it bad, she had it worse.  And rightfully so.

As I was at the host stand, letting time pass me by, fanning myself with a Happy Hour menu, a young lady in a nurse outfit walks in and asks for "Jill."  Let's call her Jill to help protect her and everyone else too.

I respond to the young lady and say, "I'm so sorry, Jill is gone for the day."  Then she says, "Sarah."  I say, "Yes, Sarah is here.  Let me get her."

The young lady takes Sarah to a corner of the restaurant and begins to cry.  There she was.  Pregnant.  Crying.  Losing control.  Losing control of everything she apparently has tried to build and hold on to.  Crumbling and turning to sand.  I stand there wondering what was going on.  Resting my chin on my hand, staring and waiting.  

My manager interrupts "Sarah" and tells her, "It's down to closers."  So she wraps up her conversation with the young lady, only to continue her story with one of the bartenders.

As Sarah walks to the back of the restaurant, I walk with her.  Intrigued, but concerned.  Hungry for the story, but not happy with the tears I saw earlier.  It's as if I wanted a story to help take away some of my pain.  As if I wanted the world to prove to me that it wasn't just me with problems.  And that's exactly what I got.

That young pregnant woman in the nurse outfit, is the current wife of a former server at that restaurant.  It turns out that he was having an affair with another former server (who was also married with children).  Let's call her Trisha.

Trisha was all about family, faith and saving face.  I can even attest to that.  But there was something dissuading about the incessant reminders about how much she loved her family, husband and children.  Personally, I live by the motto: "If you have to talk about it all the time, then you probably don't have it or live by it."

Anyways, I continue to get more information out of "Sarah."  She tells me that the affair has been going on for a while and the young lady being cheated on, surrendered to the people whom she thought were her enemies (i.e, her husband's coworkers).  She AND Trisha's husband ("Mike") hired a private investigator to help prove that Trisha and the young lady's husband were cheating.

As soon as I begin to reminisce about Shania Twain's story, little did I know that even Shania had a better ending than the young lady.  When Trisha was with her 1st husband, she was cheating on him with Mike (her soon-to-be and current husband).  But at that time, Mike knew very well that Trisha was married.

Thus, finding a faithful couple to help make this story better seemed inevitable.  It seemed that that young lady was standing alone.  And little does Mike know that his last child may not be his.

The more the story unraveled, the calmer I got.  I got calm, but cold.  I eventually sat down, far away from the host stand, thinking about how horrid this story was.  How stressful this story was.  How heavy this story will be.

Here is a pregnant working woman, trying to deal with a soon-to-be broken family.  With no one on her side, but a husband who cheated with a married woman (only to be cheated on now).  Who do you trust and who do disregard?  Who do you forgive and who do you side with?  Who is who?

Freedom and Democracy

"I believe that people have a right to decide their own destinies; people own themselves. I also believe that, in a democracy, government exists because (and only so long as) individual citizens give it a 'temporary license to exist'—in exchange for a promise that it will behave itself. In a democracy, you own the government—it doesn't own you."

-Frank Zappa.

People just don't get it.

It is so interesting how hateful people become right when you give your employer notice that you're leaving.

Some wish you well, some are genuinely hurt and unfortunately for them, some return to their old habits: trying to make your exit awkward.  But what's the point?

For instance, last night, a guest walked in and I greeted her.  Her and I began talking until one of the managers interrupted me and re-greeted the guest.  The phone began to ring and I simply took the phone-call, only knowing that the guest was obviously taken by another individual.

A few minutes later, a female manager walks over and tells me, "Just an FYI, if you're talking to a guest and the phone rings, just let the phone ring...don't ignore the guest."  I said, "Uh, no one ignored anyone.  We were interrupted and I took the phone call.  I was no longer speaking to the guest.  I was rudely interrupted."
She (the same manager), gives me a disappointed look and said, "I figured that's what happened."

Today, I was approached by the Events Coordinator and she said, "I heard about last night."  I said, "What did you hear?"  She said, "[he] said you 'rudely' ignored the guest to take a phone call."  Before I even say what really happened, the events coordinator says, "It's all a lie."

So what is the point.  What is the point in lying and making up fairy-tale stories.  What is the point in re-creating animosity and hatred, when a worker is leaving in less than 4 weeks.  What is the point in causing trouble for a person who has given guests too much than he should have.  You are getting nothing out of it.

This blog is less of a vent and more of a question that asks, "Are people really that petty?"  I guess they are and people like that will never change.  The people who have shown you nothing but love and respect, will always remain that way.  And the people who live for damage, will always be that way, only damaging themselves in the long-run.  It's like a sickness; an ailment that has been suppressed for so long that was forced to come out.  For people like that, I cannot wish you ill nor well either.  

Re: Soldier who helped capture Saddam Hussein, running for Congress.

Good Friday Morning everyone,

Regarding the former soldier who helped capture Saddam Hussein and now running for Congress: It is such a shame and oh so pathetic.  Hailed as a hero for a war that was waged, while there was never a direct threat or fear from them. Forced and pressured wars CREATE terror and terrorists. And look how we idolize and/lionize such people, making them think what they do or did was right. Most people who go to war are middle-class citizens and/or (and I say this kindly), are ignorant, because they equate patriotism with war. The media is to blame because they work with the government, the people are to blame because they believe everything they see or hear on the media and the government is to blame for having no feelings. Do your part and stand up for what's right, NOT because people tell you it is.