I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to volunteer at the LGBT center today.
Upon getting invited to dinner a few weeks ago for Thanksgiving, I get an email notification from the LGBT Center about joining their dinner. They were being responsible for the main course, but encouraged donations of side dishes, desserts or just helping hands.
I sat back and over thought (as I do with almost everything) the entire invitation. I began to think, how hurtful it must be to feel blatantly ostracized or uninvited on a day that even your most liberal and fun-loving friends have a house or home to go to. You are limited as to where you go, when almost every restaurant, cafe and club is closed. What do you do?
So for me, dinner at the center meant so much more than just having a place to enjoy a meal. It surpassed that. It became a home for the uninvited, a refuge for the secluded, a place for the ostracized and protection for the vulnerable. It had very little to do with the food for me. So little had to do with the food, that I paid more attention to the conversations around me than I did with what was on my plate.
Every person at the center was asked to stand up, say their name and mention one thing that no one there would know about them just from the way they looked. The stories astounded me: a Vietnam War Veteran discharged for being a Lesbian, the first Gay man in the state to go through adoption, an up and coming entrepreneur, and the list went on and on and on. I kept listening and smiling, devouring these stories as my thanksgiving dinner.
I do not live in a utopia and don't think there will be such a thing after my lifetime. But we can only hope and dream that we can strive to be the closest to it in the here and now. As celebratory as today was, I felt the pain or as we say in Arabic, "El Ghasa." The knotted pain you feel in the heart of your stomach.
Even though today was in some ways as bitter as the cold outside, it was also just as sweet as the sweet potato pie. And I hope that the same people who attended today will experience nothing but sweetness this holiday and everyday.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Rules and punishment.
The hospitality industry. A place that was not my place for me today.
A guy comes over to me and says, "Can I get that booth?" referring to the one in the lounge area that has a sign which says, "Please see front desk for seating."
In the kindest way, I tell him, "No problem. Let me go see if it's clean first." He says, "Ok." I go over to the booth and notice that it was still dirty. I go back to him and say, "Sir, it needs to be cleaned off. I'll clean it off for you, just give me a few minutes." He says, "Ok, sure." The lack of gratitude did not infuriate me as much as what would come minutes later.
I begin removing the cocktail glasses from the booth and take the first load to the service bar. Then I come back to the same man and a woman sliding right into the booth. I immediately say, "Oh sir, please wait a second. It's still dirty," which by the way, still had glasses on it. In the biggest douche-iest tone, the man says, "That's okay, we won't touch the table." I said, "Ok." He says, "Just clean it like that." I say, "Mm, okay." Over my dead body, I thought.
Luckily, the cocktail server (a few feet away from me), spills water all over the ground. I chose to offer all of my undivided attention and energy to help the cocktail server instead. I go get the mop, bucket, etc. and begin to clean away. Less than two minutes later I hear a voice say, "Hey." I never look up, knowing that I recognize that same douche-bag voice from earlier. Then I hear, "Hey, hello." I don't answer. Then I look up when I felt like it and looked him in the face. He says with vigor and anger, "Did I happen to confuse you?" I replied with twice the vigor, "Sir, I'm not here to be disrespected. I kindly asked you to give me a few minutes. Instead, you slid right into a dirty table and you're asking me to clean it? I don't have time for you." And that was it. I was done. I then look at the voiceless woman next to him, and not one word came out of her mouth. Motionless and emotionless. Of course; probably at the mercy of someone who is paying for her meal.
I get no back up and choose to get on my merry way and talk to a manager ASAP. I gave the full story and within minutes, the same man asks to speak to a manager. I was told that he said, "He (referring to me) must be having a bad day." When in reality it was finer than wine, until he came in. Neither here nor there, the manager gets them all a free round of drinks. I felt defeated and never let it go for the rest of the night. Hell, it's 12:41 am and not until now am I writing about it.
What did I expect? I honestly don't know. What did I expect out of this situation? Did I want him to magically leave or did I want my manager NOT to apologize to him for the experience he had? What experience? The "I'm sorry you had to be nasty and have an affinity towards a crumby and trashy table and not wait for it to be cleaned in an orderly manner and still ask for it to be cleaned after you sat in it experience?" I wasn't winning and don't think I ever will with these kind of people. A behavior that makes you believe in rules and punishment. A people that make you believe they were indeed intended to be pinned down and in many ways controlled. Even with rules and punishment, will it ever be enough to control the out of control? If the answer is "Yes," then the tame behavior is fabricated. If the answer is "No," then the behavior is animalistic, thus making very little to no room for you in mainstream society. Aha. And I guess the same goes for power hungry politicians, unethical business people and so on and so forth. Animals were forever believed to be irrational, while humans were supposed to be the rational ones; the logical ones. The ones who knew the difference between right and wrong. Contrary to that believe, I think humans are in need of circus training, while wild animals should be taken out of their habitat and welcomed into the human society. If not to coexist, maybe to teach that there is a balance and a cycle to life. Humans have lost that very cycle and balance. No order, no shame. And we are where we are.
#restaurant #hospitality #industry #servers #server #host #hostess #animals #animalistic #control #controlled #rules #punishment #service #apology #free
A guy comes over to me and says, "Can I get that booth?" referring to the one in the lounge area that has a sign which says, "Please see front desk for seating."
In the kindest way, I tell him, "No problem. Let me go see if it's clean first." He says, "Ok." I go over to the booth and notice that it was still dirty. I go back to him and say, "Sir, it needs to be cleaned off. I'll clean it off for you, just give me a few minutes." He says, "Ok, sure." The lack of gratitude did not infuriate me as much as what would come minutes later.
I begin removing the cocktail glasses from the booth and take the first load to the service bar. Then I come back to the same man and a woman sliding right into the booth. I immediately say, "Oh sir, please wait a second. It's still dirty," which by the way, still had glasses on it. In the biggest douche-iest tone, the man says, "That's okay, we won't touch the table." I said, "Ok." He says, "Just clean it like that." I say, "Mm, okay." Over my dead body, I thought.
Luckily, the cocktail server (a few feet away from me), spills water all over the ground. I chose to offer all of my undivided attention and energy to help the cocktail server instead. I go get the mop, bucket, etc. and begin to clean away. Less than two minutes later I hear a voice say, "Hey." I never look up, knowing that I recognize that same douche-bag voice from earlier. Then I hear, "Hey, hello." I don't answer. Then I look up when I felt like it and looked him in the face. He says with vigor and anger, "Did I happen to confuse you?" I replied with twice the vigor, "Sir, I'm not here to be disrespected. I kindly asked you to give me a few minutes. Instead, you slid right into a dirty table and you're asking me to clean it? I don't have time for you." And that was it. I was done. I then look at the voiceless woman next to him, and not one word came out of her mouth. Motionless and emotionless. Of course; probably at the mercy of someone who is paying for her meal.
I get no back up and choose to get on my merry way and talk to a manager ASAP. I gave the full story and within minutes, the same man asks to speak to a manager. I was told that he said, "He (referring to me) must be having a bad day." When in reality it was finer than wine, until he came in. Neither here nor there, the manager gets them all a free round of drinks. I felt defeated and never let it go for the rest of the night. Hell, it's 12:41 am and not until now am I writing about it.
What did I expect? I honestly don't know. What did I expect out of this situation? Did I want him to magically leave or did I want my manager NOT to apologize to him for the experience he had? What experience? The "I'm sorry you had to be nasty and have an affinity towards a crumby and trashy table and not wait for it to be cleaned in an orderly manner and still ask for it to be cleaned after you sat in it experience?" I wasn't winning and don't think I ever will with these kind of people. A behavior that makes you believe in rules and punishment. A people that make you believe they were indeed intended to be pinned down and in many ways controlled. Even with rules and punishment, will it ever be enough to control the out of control? If the answer is "Yes," then the tame behavior is fabricated. If the answer is "No," then the behavior is animalistic, thus making very little to no room for you in mainstream society. Aha. And I guess the same goes for power hungry politicians, unethical business people and so on and so forth. Animals were forever believed to be irrational, while humans were supposed to be the rational ones; the logical ones. The ones who knew the difference between right and wrong. Contrary to that believe, I think humans are in need of circus training, while wild animals should be taken out of their habitat and welcomed into the human society. If not to coexist, maybe to teach that there is a balance and a cycle to life. Humans have lost that very cycle and balance. No order, no shame. And we are where we are.
#restaurant #hospitality #industry #servers #server #host #hostess #animals #animalistic #control #controlled #rules #punishment #service #apology #free
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